When Your Child Ends Up in the Emergency Room: Staying Calm, Asking the Right Questions, and Getting the Care Your Child Deserves

I’ve been there more than once. My boys have a knack for turning ordinary days into medical adventures: a broken bone here, a forehead cut there, and, of course, the fevers that always seem to show up on weekends when the pediatrician’s office is closed.

And while I pride myself on staying level-headed, something about the ER, the bright lights, the long waits, the hurried conversations turns me into a quiet, overly polite version of myself. I become the parent who says, “Please just stop the bleeding, and I promise not to ask too many questions.”

But here’s the truth: that’s not the way to do it.

Why You Need to Advocate for Your Child

Emergency room doctors are skilled, but they’re also human overworked, juggling multiple patients, and not intimately familiar with your child. That’s where you come in. You’re the one who knows your child’s temperament, health quirks, and history. You’re their voice.

Dr. Vincent Chiang, a Harvard Medical School pediatrician and ER specialist at Boston Children’s Hospital, emphasizes that being a strong advocate isn’t about being difficult, it's about being helpful. You can guide doctors toward what matters most by providing the right information up front.

What to Tell the ER Team

Here’s what Dr. Chiang recommends you share as soon as possible:

1. How your child handles medical visits.

Be brutally honest. Whether your child screams at the sight of a needle or freezes in silence, say so. It helps the medical staff prepare and may allow them to bring in a child life specialist, someone trained to make medical experiences less scary for kids.

2. “This is our first time dealing with this.”

What’s routine for the doctor can feel terrifying for you. Letting them know it’s new territory for your family is a gentle reminder to slow down and explain what’s happening step by step.

3. How your child typically reacts to pain or illness.

If your child never complains, and now they’re crying in pain, that’s a big red flag. On the other hand, if they’re usually dramatic, but this feels different, say that, too. Context matters.

And if you’re worried about something specific even if it sounds irrational, voice it. Sometimes parents’ instincts pick up on things even doctors might miss.

Ask Questions Even If It Feels Awkward

It’s okay to feel intimidated, but don’t let that stop you from asking questions. Try these:

“Are these tests being done to rule things out, or are you looking for something specific?”

“Is there anything you’re worried about that we should know?”

“When will we get an update or talk again?”

Knowing what to expect and when helps you stay grounded while you wait.

Before You Leave the ER, Know These Four Things

When the panic starts to fade and you’re finally told you can go home, it’s easy to miss details. But before you walk out, make sure you understand:

1. The diagnosis: What exactly did the doctor decide your child has? Write it down if you need to.

2. The treatment plan: What are you supposed to do now both for healing and comfort? (For example, with a sprained ankle: rest, ice, compression, elevation.) Ask about pain management, nausea, or anything that might come up later.

3. The follow-up plan: Who are you seeing next, your pediatrician or a specialist? Don’t assume the hospital will handle this automatically.

4. Reasons to come back: What warning signs mean it’s time to return to the ER? And when should your child start to feel better?

Don’t Rush the Exit

Of all these, Dr. Chiang says the treatment plan causes the most confusion. Once parents hear “you can go home,” they often relax just as the doctor starts hurrying off to the next patient. Before that happens, pause. Ask:

“Can my child go to school or play sports?”

“What’s the correct medication dose and timing?”

“Are there any side effects or precautions?”

A smart move is to read the discharge papers before you leave, not after you’re in the parking lot. Then say to the doctor, “Here’s what I understand, do I have that right?” It’s the simplest way to make sure nothing falls through the cracks.

The Bottom Line

Advocating for your child might feel uncomfortable at first, especially when you’re exhausted or scared. But doctors can’t answer the questions you don’t ask.

Your calm presence, clear communication, and persistence can make all the difference in how smoothly your child’s care goes. So take a breath, ask the questions, and remember no one knows your child better than you do.

After all, in that fluorescent-lit chaos, you’re not just the parent. You’re the expert in the room.