From Playgrounds to PSLE: Ten Years of Parenting Without Tiger Mom Techniques, Burnout, or Guilt

Our girls are now spread out over different stages of life, and one is already packing for college. We recently caught up with a few mom friends. One mother faced me and said something that lingered in my mind:

"I give you my hat off." You raised six children without being a tiger mom; you never appeared worried and you still looked cheerful and young, and everything worked out fine.

To be honest, I believe we performed better than average.

The Early Years: Gut-and-grit parenting

When we began this parenting marathon, my spouse and I were in our early twenties. No helicopter, no handbooks, and no overly planned tuition marathons. Simply a great deal of trial and error and late-night discussions about "Are we doing this right?" We managed to stay (mostly) sane, maintain our marriage for more than 25 years, and produce six incredibly diverse, amazing children.

However, we were not alone. Our compass was my mother, or por por to the children. We can never quite understand how much her quiet strength kept us united. She recently received the most heartfelt thank you from the older girls: a vacation to Japan that she planned and paid for herself. They planned every aspect of the vacation, saved money, and took turns looking after her. That was her medal of honor, right there.

No instruction. Just Conversation, Curiosity, and Playgrounds

My approach to parenting was straightforward: do not outsource childhood. In order to give our children time and space to play, fail, wander, and explore, we forwent the never-ending tuition classes.

We valued kindness over rivalry, perseverance over memorization, and life skills over test results. We never allowed the fact that some of our children did not neatly fall into the categories that our educational system likes to categorize them. We developed learning attitudes—curiosity, discipline, empathy, and courage—instead of cramming. They have benefited much more from those than from any A-streak.

Most significantly, we have always questioned: What brings you to life?

Because passion and purpose are not found on worksheets, but rather on playgrounds, in kitchens, during midlife meltdowns, or during peaceful hours of shared solitude.

Six Children, Six Worlds.

For instance, our oldest followed a gorgeously meandering route.

Attracted to children like a moth to light, she started out with a diploma in early childhood teaching. During internships, however, she became disillusioned with the system's realities. She changed directions, went back to school, and earned a degree in fashion marketing. On paper, it sounded glamorous, but the pressure, deadline pressure, and weekend firefights left her exhausted and doubting everything.

Thus, she took a drastic move and stopped driving. She packed her bags. relocated to Australia. To extend her visa, she gathered fruit on farms, worked as a freelancer, and created award-winning costumes that were displayed in art galleries. Although it was not simple, it was hers. She discovered how to make ends meet, fell in love with the great outdoors and peaceful strolls, and ultimately... she found her way back to school, this time on her own terms. She is currently studying abroad for a master's degree in education.

That entire circle? Without any nudging or pushing, only our silent encouragement and her strong feeling of self-worth, she made it herself.

The Extended Perspective

Being a parent takes time. You hope for rain and plant seeds. You believe that by prioritizing authenticity above success, your kids will develop into courageous adults capable of navigating their own paths. And you know you accomplished something well when they return to express gratitude—not with grades, but with their lives.

So here we are. After ten years. The blog continues to exist. Additionally, Kate is completing her PSLE with her own unwavering self-belief rather than a tutor's voice in her ear. I will accept that kind of victory any day.