How to Deal with Sibling Envy When a New Baby Is Born: Kind Ways to Strengthen Both Relationships

Perhaps your once-bright toddler is clutching a bit more than normal or throwing objects. Or perhaps your preschooler has developed a sudden obsession with becoming a baby once more. It is challenging. It is true. Indeed, it is perfectly typical.

I have gone through this transition more times than I can remember as a mother of seven children, and I can assure you that it does not just happen on its own. Intentionality, patience, and a lot of candid discussion are necessary to prevent sibling envy.

The good news is that you can help your older child feel safe, noticed, and even thrilled about their new brother if you have some foresight and follow a few easy techniques.

Let us discuss how.

1.Start talking and do not stop talking

It is simple to become overwhelmed with the baby preparations during pregnancy, including the hospital bag, the tiny outfits, and the never-ending lists. However, your older child's heart is among the most crucial things you can prepare.

Talk about the new baby frequently and from an early age. Not once or twice. Establish a soft conversational pace that expands with your stomach. Talk about what will happen and, more significantly, what will not change: your connection, your time (in a different way), and your love.

Tell them you still adore them even if the baby will require a lot of care and cuddles at first. In fact, tell them your heart is expanding, not separating.

Pro tip: Allow your kids to pose challenging queries. "I do not want a baby," they can say. Allow them to weep. Acknowledge those intense, tumultuous emotions. Your best defense against the silent accumulation of animosity is emotional honesty.

2. Have Them Have Their Own Child

Consider introducing a particular baby doll well in advance of your due date if your older child is still in that enchanted stage of pretend play, which lasts from toddlerhood until roughly age five.

Refer to it as their "practice baby." They should learn how to bottle-feed, swaddle, and even "shush" it when it cries. This is developmental gold, not just adorable. Instead of excluding them from the world of caregiving, you are bringing them in.

This doll is not merely a plaything. It serves as a link between them and the new family dynamic.

Important note: Do not use the doll if your child is older than the pretend-play period, such as a teen or youngster aged ten. Believe me, nothing says awkward like a fake baby that is well-intentioned but inappropriate.

3. Provide Them with a Meaningful Job Children flourish

 when they feel valued. Even more crucially, when people experience trust.

One of my go-to tricks? Your older child should be the "baby protector." Inform them that protecting their younger sister is now part of their unique position in the family.

4. Maintain the Familiarity of Their World

Your older child's entire world changes when the newborn is born. Keeping certain things consistently steady is the trick.

Make time for one-on-one time with your older child, even if you are fatigued. Playing, snuggling, or reading a book for even ten uninterrupted minutes might help you ground yourself.

And if they somewhat regress? Do they want their pacifier back? Get into mishaps? Breathe deeply. Regression is not a scream for manipulation, but for connection.

Instead of punishing, show patience. 

5. Present the Infant to Them, Not in Place of Them

This one is understated yet effective.

Try saying this instead of "I have to nurse the baby, thus I can not play right now."

"Can you hold the burp cloth for me while we feed the baby?"

Bring them in rather than pushing them out.

Allow them to assist with lullaby singing, diaper retrieval, or clothing selection. They are less prone to feel excluded when they are actively engaging. Rather, they start to establish a relationship with the infant that suits them.

6. Use Language That Is Loving and Comforting

Finally, always, always return to the connection.

When they least anticipate it, whisper love into their ears. Say something like:

"You will always be my very first child."

"I adore how you assist me."

"My favorite thing is still being your mother."

Such commonplace enchantment creates a barrier around their heart that makes it difficult for jealousy to pierce.

Conclusion: Jealousy is an emotion, not the enemy.

Sibling jealousy is ultimately not a failure. It is a very common and fundamentally human reaction to change. The most important thing is how we react to it.

You may assist in creating a wonderful sibling connection by emotionally preparing your child, involve them practically, and provide them with a sense of security and affection. One full of messiness, laughter, and enduring devotion.

And, like me, you may discover that love does multiply.

Even seven times.