I did not immediately connect with my baby, and that is okay.

However, I did not experience that enchanted wave when my kid was born, following a protracted and draining labor. I was feeling numb.

The guilt struck quickly.

I felt more like an imposter holding a stranger's child than a mother.

At that point, the guilt struck.

Did I have a problem? Had I already failed at the most fundamental aspect of motherhood?

What I Did not Know About Bonding

I appeared in the weeks that followed. I changed the diapers. At 2 a.m., I rocked him. As he sobbed, I told stories and gave him a gentle little forehead kiss. However, I did not immediately experience the profound, life-altering love I had assumed I would.

At three in the morning, I began looking up the question, "Is it normal not to bond with your baby?" online.—and I was shocked to discover: yeah. It is. It is actually very common, particularly for moms who are dealing with postpartum depression, anxiety, trauma, or even simply the early stages of hormone crash.

The Silent Times That Revolutionized Everything

During a bottle feed, it was evident in the way he held my finger. The way his expression softened each night as I hummed the same lullaby. The way his drowsy body melted into mine, blindly believing in me.

Weeks after his birth, I sensed it as I glanced down at him one day. Something better—a cozy, grounded knowing—instead of explosions. I loved this small kid because I had come to love them, not because I was expected to.

You are not broken if you are having trouble connecting with your child.

For the mothers in the rear, let us say it aloud: If bonding takes some time, you are not a horrible mother.

You are not chilly. You are not failing. You are a human.

Birth is a time of both physical and emotional change. Hormonal fluctuations, sleep deprivation, and difficult deliveries all have an impact. And it is okay if love does not blossom immediately in that fog.

What I Found Helpful (And Could Help You)

Discuss It: I told a buddy, and she acknowledged that she had experienced the same thing. The loneliness was broken by that straightforward honesty.

Request Assistance: You do not have to bear this alone, whether it is a postpartum doula, therapist, or a partner.

Reduce the Pressure: There is no deadline for feeling a specific way. Bonding is a process rather than a destination.

Concluding Remarks: Love Is Not Always Scheduled

We spend so much time getting ready for childbirth that we neglect to get ready for the chaotic, emotional, and frequently overwhelming whirlpool of new motherhood that follows.

Take a deep breath if you are wondering when the magic will start while you are staring at your child. Your performance is better than you realize. And that connection you are seeking? It will arrive. Like the gradual ascent of the sun, but not necessarily like a flash of lightning.

And it will be genuine when it does. It will also belong to you.