Making Friends With Mom After 30: The Uncomfortable Reality
Did you find it difficult to discover "your people" in college? While wiping applesauce off your clothes, watching your kid climb the jungle gym, and being indifferent to the fact that she just mentioned her baby was reading chapter books at 11 months, try doing this.
The reality? As a grown woman, it is embarrassing, messy, beautiful, and vitally important to make mom pals.
Why It is So Difficult
Life becomes... full when we reach our 30s. Packed with responsibilities, errands, mental strain, and emotional baggage. Your social life must compete for attention when you add a child (or two), a job, a marriage (or not), and a lack of sleep.
In addition, putting yourself out there exposes you to vulnerability. You ponder:
"Do I come across as overly desperate?"
"After one playdate, will she think I am strange if I ask for her number?"
"Is it typical to feel envious of her seeming unity?
Yes, yes, yes—spoiler alert.
Every one of us is a little bit strange, lonely, and in need of connection. However, we are also out here acting as if nothing is wrong. Because vulnerability is still frightening, even in parenthood.
The Pick-Up Line at the Playground
Starting awkward small chats at the park, at daycare drop-off, or during the five precious minutes before baby music class begins is the first step in making mom friends. It is not adorable.
You will hear yourself ask questions like, "How old are you?" (speaking of the child, not the dog) – “What about you? We have been coming here every Tuesday.
"Do you ever sleep through the entire night?"
After a while, someone chuckles. That is the surface crack. It changes from "strangers with strollers" to "hey, we might be buddies" at that point.
The Real Way to Make It Happen
1. Accept the uncomfortable.
At first, you will feel like a freak. In any case, do it. Say hello. Find out her name. You should bring up the parent group you have been meaning to attend. Everyone is waiting for the first person to go.
2. Act as though it were a date.
If the atmosphere was excellent, text her. Invite her for coffee, or another park hang. It does feel forward. It is worth it, indeed.
3. Admit that you are not flawless.
It is not necessary for you to control your chaos. Both of you are involved. You sobbed in the car today, tell her. Recognize that your toddler usually eats cheese. Connection is encouraged by vulnerability.
4. Make things simple.
Make recommendations for relaxed hangouts. Walks. gatherings in the park. drinking lukewarm coffee on the floor of your living room as the children demolish the toy basket. Consistency is built on simplicity.
5. Let go of preconceptions about moms and friends.
She does not have to parent in the same way that you do. She does not have to adopt your style from Pinterest. All you need is someone who understands, shows up, and is not judgmental.
The Silent Pleasure of Being Noticed
Finding a parent friend who supports you when you are feeling low, does not cringe at your untidy kitchen, and messages you "same" after a meltdown story is priceless.
Making a picture-perfect village is not the goal here. In the muddy middle, it is about finding the one or two people who remind you that you are not alone.
Because motherhood is too wonderful not to share and too difficult to handle alone. This is the awkward, lovely truth.
What's Your Reaction?
