How Becoming a Mother Affected My Friendships
I thought that parenthood would change me before I became a mother, but I did not think it would also impact my surroundings. My friendships underwent one of the most delicate and unexpected changes. Some drifted, some deepened, and some vanished entirely. There was no drama. It was slow, silent, and sometimes devastating. However, it also carried with it some surprises.
You are not alone if you are struggling with friendship after becoming a mother.
The Divide That Is Not Visible
I was surrounded by love when I first had my baby—warm dinners, visits, messages, and small clothes. However, once the baby dust settled, I started to sense distance.
My childless friends continued to enjoy the spontaneous dinners, late-night conversations, and weekend excursions that characterized their pre-baby lifestyles. I was timing feeding sessions and naps in the interim. The once easy-going chats suddenly felt a little tense. It was because our lives had taken different forms, not because either of us did anything wrong.
Being a mother completely changes your identity, not simply giving you a new duty. And those around you are impacted by that wave.
The Fading Friendships
My best friendships from before the baby was born just waned. It is misalignment, not malice or misinterpretation.
Some acquaintances were perplexed as to why I was unable to answer the phone immediately or why I had to abruptly cancel plans. Others made an effort to help me, but they felt powerless in the face of my unfiltered, tearful delight, sleep deprivation, and colic.
I also missed them. I missed having a sense of connection, inclusion, and understanding.
Those Who Persisted
The good news is that some of your buddies stayed. I was on the floor in my pajamas, clutching a wailing infant, and they met me there. Without asking, they brought coffee. They did not criticize my dirty hair or my disorganized living room. Even when I did not have the energy to respond, they texted to just say, "I am thinking of you."
They loved me through the change, even if some of them were already mothers and others weren't. Their modest devotion was invaluable.
New friendships were also brought about by the Unexpected New Bonds of Motherhood; they were made in baby-and-me classes, parent WhatsApp groups, and the pediatrician's office waiting area.
Connecting with another mother via text at three in the morning, both of you feeding your baby, bleary-eyed and fatigued but not alone, has a really reassuring quality.
Shared understanding, not years of history, is the foundation of these connections. They are surprisingly strong as a result.
Learning to Hold on and Let Go
What I have discovered is that friendships may change. It is acceptable to mourn those who pass away. Furthermore, it is acceptable to move away from partnerships that do not feel encouraging.
However, it is also OK to stand up for the people who are important to you—to be open, vulnerable, and to express your feelings of "I miss us."
I became a more sympathetic friend after becoming a mother. I learned to value presence over perfection as a result. I learned to forgive, to reach out, and to realize that everyone is battling their own invisible struggles.
Concluding Remarks: Changing the Meaning of Friendship in Motherhood
It is not just you if you are a new mother wondering why your friendships feel different. It is a component of the change. Your relationships inevitably change as a result.
With you, some friendships will develop. Others won't. However, new, profound connections could emerge in their stead. ones that have their roots in our common humanity as well as our common history.
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