10 attitudes to improve your relationship

When things go wrong for us as a couple we always ask ourselves a question that is what do successful couples have that works for them and that doesn't work for us that makes our relationship take a dangerous path and deteriorate?

Successful couples do not have the gift of infinite wisdom nor are they touched by a special magic and other couples do not, what happens is that successful couples can implement tools and attitudes that unsuccessful couples don't apply to your relationship.

In this article, I present to you the 10 attitudes that successful couples use to have a happy relationship.

ABILITY TO KNOW THE COUPLE DEEPLY

Our couples are people who evolve and change in terms of interests, needs, ways of seeing things, and ways of perceiving life. If we are not able to have updated information and we have an outdated version of our partner, we do not know who our partner is.

Successful couples have updated versions of their partners and they achieve this through questions, active listening, and observation. In conclusion, they strive to know their lives, to intimately know the person with whom they share their lives. They do this regardless of whether they have been together for many years and this helps them know what is important to the other at all times.

THE SHOWS OF AFFECTION

When we start a relationship we lavish ourselves a lot in demonstrations of affection, whether through kisses, caresses, reinforcements and positive comments towards our partner, as we put time into the relationship almost in an inversely proportional way we lose that reinforcing attitude of our partner and gestures of affection.

Successful couples never lose that attitude of obvious affection towards each other. Therefore, if your relationship has lost demonstrations of affection, you must implement it so that your relationship is satisfactory.

SHARE TIME

Many times when we have been in our relationship for a long time or live with our partner we confuse sharing time with sharing space, that is, we believe that sitting together on the couch is enough shared time.

Successful couples reserve leisure time to do things as a couple, regardless of whether other time can be dedicated to friends, family, or individual activities. This turns your timeshare into quality time.

Likewise, they share projects that can be large-scale, such as planning the year's vacations, for example, or day-to-day activities, since they can convert everyday tasks such as doing the weekly shopping into a joint project.

SEE THE COUPLE WITH THE EYES OF BENEVOLENCE

Our couples are not perfect, on the contrary, they are people with their flaws, their vulnerabilities, their virtues, and their defects. When our partner makes a mistake, we can see it from two different perspectives.

I can see it as something negative and negligent on their part and therefore start a conflict or see it from the eyes of benevolence, which would be that perception in which I see that the mistakes my partner makes are not done from the will to make me harm or provoke me, but from the human being that he is and who therefore makes mistakes.

PROBLEM-SOLVING ABILITY

All couples have problems, both couples who are successful and those who are not. The difference between them is that successful couples focus on finding solutions and not on dwelling on the problem or looking for blame, which is the attitude that unsuccessful couples take.

Successful couples have the attitude of looking for solutions so that a problem that is present today does not appear again tomorrow.

ABILITY TO EXPRESS YOURSELF EFFECTIVELY

Communicating effectively is not just about talking about how our day went or talking about everyday things. It has to do with that ability to express our negative emotions but from a constructive point of view, not to hurt others.  That is, it is an ability to express emotions clearly and simply without overwhelming the other with too much information and to be able to understand each other.

ALWAYS BE ALLIES

When something negative has happened to us outside of our relationship and we tell it to our partner, sometimes our partner reacts by taking the other's side and making comments like "It's just that you are very bossy", "it's just that you don't shut up." nothing”, “it's just that you have that bad temper”. With this attitude we feel that our partner is not “playing on our team” but is playing on the other's team.

Successful couples can always take their partner's side, regardless of whether they may later refer to the negative attitudes that they believe their partner has put in place in that situation.

Therefore, it is important to develop this capacity in our relationship, since we will feel supported and we will support our partner unconditionally. 

ABILITY TO CORRALL PROBLEMS

As we have said, all couples have problems but unsuccessful couples make the problems a third party in discord and make them the protagonist of their relationship. This translates into the relationship in which we change our attitudes and behaviors within the relationship, for example, I stop talking to my partner, I start doing things on my own and I don't count on my partner, meaning that the problem dominates the relationship dynamics.

Successful couples corner problems, they do not allow the problem to become the protagonist of the relationship since they are the protagonists of it. Despite having a problem that they have to solve, and to do so they use the other attitudes we have talked about, they corner the problem and continue with their routines and joint activities as usual.

THEY DON'T JUDGE THEIR COUPLES

Successful couples accept their partner unconditionally, they do not try to change it. This doesn't mean that you don't express to each other the things you think need to be changed to keep the relationship working and negotiate to reach a point of understanding. But they don't judge or pressure their partners to change.

SINCERITY WITH MEASURE

There are times when we hear that “I am very sincere with my partner”, “I don't keep quiet with my partner”, “I just say things the way I think them”, etc. This excessive sincerity can run the risk of becoming iimpertinent Impertinence can be harmful and hurt our partner, impertinence is never a good traveling companion in a relationship.

Therefore, saying things is fine and it is something we should do, as we said in previous attitudes, but knowing how to say things without hurting and without harming our partner is something essential for the good health of the relationship.