How to Discuss a Loved One's Serious Illness with Children

As a parent or caregiver, your first instinct may be to protect your child from painful news. But children are incredibly perceptive. They notice changes in mood, routines, and conversations around them.

1. Take into account the developmental stage of your child.

Young children have concrete thought processes. They can be concerned that they are the source of the illness or that it is contagious.

Teenagers and older kids are able to comprehend more information and could be curious about the long-term implications of the sickness.

Consult your pediatrician for advice if you are not sure how much your child is ready to consume.

2.Get on the same page with your parenting partner

Before you sit down with your child, talk with your co-parent or other key caregivers. Decide what you’ll share, how you’ll say it, and what practical changes the illness may bring to your child’s daily life.

3. Choose the right moment

Find a calm time when you can give your child your full attention. Even if the conversation turns out to be short, knowing you were fully present makes a big difference. Remember—this is the first of many talks, not the only one.

How to Talk: Simple, Honest, and Compassionate

Keep it straightforward.

Use clear, age-appropriate language. For example:

For a young child: “Daddy is sick. The doctors are helping him, and he’ll be in the hospital for a while.”

For an older child: “Daddy has cancer in his lungs. He’s in the hospital for tests so the doctors can decide the best treatment.”

Be truthful but gentle.

Children deserve honesty. If the illness is serious, say so. Share what might happen next (for example, hair loss during chemotherapy) without overwhelming them with unnecessary details.

Show your own feelings.

It’s okay for your child to see you feeling sad or worried. When you express your emotions in a healthy way, you show them it’s safe to share theirs too.

Point out the helpers.

Just as Fred Rogers reminded us to “look for the helpers,” reassure your child that doctors, nurses, and caregivers are working hard to help their loved one.

Supporting Your Child Over Time

Talk about daily life.

The biggest concern for kids is usually how changes will impact their daily schedule. Assure them that they will be taken care of, and if any changes are required, include them in the ideation process.

Allow for inquiries.

Invite your child to ask anything, and answer honestly even if the answer is, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.”

Expect varied reactions.

Children may cry, get angry, withdraw, or act out in other ways. Some may not react right away. Keep checking in gently, so they know they have ongoing space to talk.

Ask for further assistance.

Speak with a therapist, social worker, pediatrician, or member of your religious community. Having a support system in place aids in navigating this difficult period for both you and your child.

Last Remark

This talk cannot be conducted in a "perfect" manner. The most important things are presence, love, and honesty. As your child deals with the reality of a loved one's illness, you may help them feel safe, cared for, and less alone by facilitating conversation.