I created an effective "go back in bed" chart because my kids will not stay in bed.

Like the patient, caring mom I want to be, I put my children to bed every night. ... They return to their rooms at least five times each night, giving the most inventive excuses for why they are unable to stay in bed.

Some new treasures?

"A drink of water is what I need." (Which, if it were not the third glass, makes sense.)

"I must give the cat a pat."

"His respiration is excessively loud."

"I neglected to share a joke with you."

"I am starving." (Since they were too full for dinner, it was convenient.)

It is enough to send any parent who does not get enough sleep into an existential crisis fueled by chocolate.

Why I Made a Chart for "Not Staying in Bed"

I got up in a direct message spiral with some incredible mothers who reassured me that I was not, in fact, failing at parenthood after venting on my Instagram Stories, as everyone does. We chuckled at the ridiculousness of bedtime stalling tactics, exchanged survival advice, and exchanged ideas. The "Not Staying In Bed" chart emerged from that lovely mess.

How it operates:

My children receive a mark on the chart each time they get out of bed for an unnecessary cause (such as needing to cuddle a plush animal they already had in bed). 

Five points equals twenty-five minutes lost.

50 minutes lost (10 marks).

You understand—math, but with repercussions.

The outrage was genuine when I told them. "What happens if I require a cat? What if I am getting annoyed with him?

NEWSFLASH, small people: These are not life-threatening circumstances.

The Real Benefits of This Chart

Let us face it, children thrive on structure, even if they resist it. This chart provides them with explicit expectations and inherent accountability. There will be no drama or shouting, only mild, sensible penalties linked to their most valuable asset: screen time.

It aids in my consistency as well. I simply put a mark and carry on with my evening rather than arguing endlessly about whether "needing to show me a frog sticker" is a legitimate excuse for getting out of bed. It is incredibly liberating.

Do You Want to Use It Too?

For other parents in the trenches, I have made this chart printable. Depending on how many children you have, there are four variants included; simply print the one that suits your family.

If you have more than four children (you deserve a trophy, of course), send me a note on Instagram, and I would be happy to create a personalized version for your team.

Going to bed does not have to be a circus act.

Will all of the late-night wandering be stopped by this chart? Most likely not. However, it will undoubtedly help reduce the noise and encourage your children to set more appropriate bedtime limits.

If nothing else, it will save you time on Netflix and your sanity.

You can obtain the chart [insert link here] and inform me of its effectiveness for your family. One absurd excuse at a time, we are all working together to figure this out.