What is attachment and how does it affect relationships
Attachment, as we will see in this article, is very important to build healthy social and relationship relationships. Therefore, in this article, we will see what attachment is, how it is established, what types of attachments there are and how they manifest in adult life, the importance of developing a secure attachment, and how to change attachment styles.
Attachment, as we will see in this article, is very important to build healthy social and relationship relationships. Therefore, in this article, we will see what attachment is, how it is established, what types of attachments there are and how they manifest in adult life, the importance of developing a secure attachment, and how to change attachment styles.
What is attachment?
Attachment theory was first widely developed in the 1960s by well-known psychiatrist John Bowlby. This psychiatrist studied the relationships and development of young children and as a result, he concluded that attachment is a process by which children relate to other people who are references for them.
The most important figures for children are usually their caregivers and/or their parents and the relationship that children establish with these reference people, according to this and other authors, marks both the development and the social relationships that they will have later in life. adult.
How is attachment established?
Bowlby emphasizes that attachment develops taking into account the results of the interactions between the child and the people whom the child considers to be better than him to cope with life. Therefore, we could say that it is established through interactions with others.
If a person is accessible to the child, that is, available to meet the child's demands, the child will create feelings of security and strength. However, if that person is not available to meet those demands, the child will create feelings related to insecurity.
Secure attachment
It occurs when the relationships between the child and his or her reference people are satisfactory. We must keep in mind that people who have this type of attachment are happy and self-confident. Another aspect to keep in mind is that they have no difficulty remembering the past and can talk about it reflectively. Likewise, they can talk about bad or negative things without having to use defense mechanisms, and, if there is pain, they carry out the grieving processes satisfactorily. Regarding the relationship that these children have with the people who educate them, they are usually very cooperative. This type of attachment develops when the children's family environment is stable, positive, and empathetic. The above makes them empathetic people in their adult lives.
Insecure avoidant attachment
This type of attachment is what people who do not have empathy or who do not seek support or affection in the relationships they have with other people usually have. Furthermore, they do not usually talk about the past and if they do talk, they do so without giving details or without talking excessively about emotions. All of this means that they do not give social relationships or intimate relationships too much importance. Regarding communication skills, when it comes to important things they do not usually communicate effectively, since they tend to omit important data and speak with little fluency.
Ambivalent/preoccupied attachment
They are people who can become very emotionally dependent on other people or who have experienced a situation of separation. Therefore, if they find themselves alone or abandoned by other people, they protest. About the past, they are usually worried about what happened in the past and when it comes to communicating, you could say that they are people who are difficult to understand. Another aspect to take into account is that these are children who doubt whether the reference person or caregiver will be present when they need it.
Disorganized attachment
This type of attachment is usually the result of having experienced serious traumatic situations, such as being a victim of sexual abuse, family violence, or serious psychological illnesses. When it comes to communicating, they do so with contradictions and fragmentations.
How do these 4 styles manifest themselves in adult life?
There is much research that shows that the type of attachment we have developed during childhood directly influences the type and quality of relationships we have in our adult lives.
For example, research conducted in 1992 by Simpson, Rholes, and Nelligan concluded that children who had developed a secure attachment behaved differently as adults than children who had developed an avoidant attachment. They mentioned that the physical contact, support, and emotional support they had or offered to others was different.
Pineda (2023) also mentions that the type of attachment we develop during childhood will be important throughout the life cycle. Likewise, she highlights that not having a secure attachment can lead to the appearance of diseases, problems in cognitive development, social and emotional problems with others, etc.
Another investigation carried out by the University of the Basque Country (UPV) also obtained results similar to the previous ones. In families in which the mother had been affectionate, people in adulthood developed secure relationships based on trust. However, children in whom distance, coldness, and rejection had existed, developed relationships based on insecurity (Ortiz et al., 2023).
How to change attachment styles
As we have seen throughout the entire entry, having a secure attachment style will be of vital importance if we want to have happy relationships and satisfactory social relationships. If you want to change your attachment style to be able to have a secure attachment and thus be able to have more satisfying relationships, we recommend that you follow the following guidelines:
Maintain a positive attitude. It is important to have a positive attitude and positively express emotions and affection.
Emotional Support. It is of great importance that you offer emotional support to others and that you ask for it when you need it.
Sensitivity and empathy. It is also relevant to study the needs of others to respond correctly to the signals and requests of others.
Reciprocal relationships. Notably, we seek reciprocity. That is, we seek relationships with others based on this principle.
Interaction. Positive interactions must be created with other people.
It must be taken into account that the type of attachment we start from will also be decisive when developing a secure attachment. Therefore, we recommend that you analyze so that you can determine what type of attachment you have. At PsicoGlobal, through online therapy, we can help you do this.
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