What is Co-Parent Adoption?

One partner had children before the relationship.

One parent is not genetically connected to the child.

Even if both parents are already raising the child together, adoption ensures that the law recognizes that relationship everywhere—not just at home.

Why It Matters So Much

Here’s the key difference:

A birth certificate doesn’t always hold up if you cross state lines.

An adoption decree must be recognized in every U.S. state and jurisdiction.

That can make all the difference in moments that matter most.

Imagine this: a married lesbian couple has a child using donor sperm. Both moms are listed on the birth certificate. Years later, while traveling out of state, the family is in a car accident. One mother is in surgery, and the child needs urgent medical care. The hospital questions the nongestational mother’s right to consent—because in that state, a birth certificate with two mothers isn’t enough.

If she had completed a co-parent adoption, there would be no question. She’d have the authority to protect her child.

The Extra Challenges for LGBTQ+ Parents

Unfortunately, same-gender parents often face more scrutiny when it comes to parental rights. And the reality is, fewer than 20 states and territories currently allow co-parent adoption for LGBTQ+ families.

Even where it is legal, the process can be overwhelming. Depending on the state, it might involve:

Hiring a lawyer

Submitting tax returns and medical exams

Fingerprinting and background checks

Writing personal essays about your own upbringing and parenting philosophy

Publishing notices in newspapers to “find” the donor

Home visits from social workers

For many families, it’s not just financially draining—it’s emotionally taxing. Imagine having to “prove” your love and commitment to the child you’ve raised since birth.

Pushing for Change

Groups like GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) and local advocates are working hard to fix this patchwork system. In some states, families are fighting to simplify the process so it’s not so invasive or costly.

You can help by:

Learning your state’s laws on parentage and co-parent adoption

Reaching out to legislators when reform is on the table

Sharing your own family’s story to raise awareness

Supporting families financially or emotionally who are navigating the process

The Bottom Line

For LGBTQ+ parents, co-parent adoption isn’t just red tape. It’s protection. It’s peace of mind. And most importantly, it’s about ensuring that no matter where life takes a family, the law sees and respects them for what they already are: parents.