After having a baby, are you feeling resentful of your partner? Here's Why—and How to Address It
You recently gave birth. Your body is recuperating, you are bone-tired, and everything you knew about your relationship seems strange. Perhaps animosity against your mate is an unexpected emotion you are experiencing. If that describes you, know that you are not alone and that you are not broken.
We shared our experiences as new mothers during a recent sorority reunion. What actually caught my attention? Feeling that our spouses entered motherhood at a completely different pace—and frequently with significantly fewer sacrifices—was something that many of us were silently grappling with. That space? It is a place where animosity grows.
Why It Occurs:
This type of bitterness is quite typical, according to Dr. Madeleine Katz, PsyD, a professional psychologist who specializes in postpartum mental health.
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Here are some typical offenders:
Hormones and emotional load: The postpartum period is not only physically exhausting, but also intellectually stressful. Resentment simmers if your lover does not understand that completely.
You are feeling "touched out": You may feel that your body is no longer your own because you are always required, especially if you are nursing, while your partner still appears to have autonomy.
Unbalanced household dynamics: According to Dr. Katz, inequalities at home are frequently the source of animosity. Consider this: Am I bearing the invisible burden, or is my partner actually doing their share?
What is Beneficial:
Discuss it. According to Dr. Katz, if you do not identify it, nothing gets better. Try talking openly and impartially with your partner about the things that are not working. Eve Rodsky's Fair Play is one tool that can help you put words to your everyday mental burden.
Keep in mind: Equal ≠ Fair. Assigning 50/50 shares is not always feasible. Rather, strive for equity that takes into account each of your physical, mental, and emotional abilities on a particular day.
Be inquisitive rather than angry. When animosity arises, consider the circumstances that led to it. Knowing what is causing the pain makes it easier to correct a dynamic.
Spend some time by yourself. Permit yourself to take a break from work. A night free from baby monitor duty, a solo Target errand, or an uninterrupted hot shower can all be quite beneficial.
Grow with one another. Both of you are gaining parenting skills. Make room for criticism, forgiving others, and solving problems as they arise.
In summary,
Postpartum resentment is a signal rather than a warning sign. It is something you can resolve together with awareness, discussion, and a little rebalancing.
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