Because Every Baby Has Their Own Timeline, Milestones Are Overrated
I can still clearly recall it: we were sitting on a playmat at my friend's house, drinking lukewarm coffee as our infants swayed on their cushioned bellies. Like a tiny Olympic athlete, her daughter was crawling—no, speed-crawling—across the room. Mine? My son was happy to chew on his sock and flopped like a drowsy starfish.
She smiled kindly and added, "He will get there," and I nodded as if I agreed with her. But I was sliding inward.
Because, well, according to the books, he ought to be crawling by now. A week previously, I had received a notification from the baby tracker app saying, "Time for crawling practice!" And during his six-month appointment, the pediatrician had gently brought it up. Why, therefore, was he not moving? Was there a problem? Did I not excite him enough? Was it because I did not enroll in that class on infant movement?
When you are pregnant and looking over milestone charts like they are ancient scrolls that hold the key to the ideal baby, nobody tells you this: milestones are averages, not finish lines. The infant Bible does not contain these commandments. They are merely conjectures, some thoroughly investigated, some highly generalized, based on big cohorts of widely disparate infants.
Your child? Your child is creating their own chronology. And that ought to be a wonder rather than a cause for concern.
The Comparative Pressure Cooker
Everything is tracked in the world we live in. Our baby's every coo, poop, and percentile; our sleep patterns; our screen time; our steps. Although milestone charts are meant to be useful, they frequently serve as fuel for a silent, draining game of comparison.
It is not always loud, either. Sometimes a relative may casually remark, "Oh, she is not walking yet?"
Occasionally, there is the boastful Instagram caption that reads, "Only 9 months and already knows all her letters!"
At two in the morning, sometimes it is your own voice asking, "Am I falling behind too?"
The problem is that infants are not racehorses. No one is in competition with them. One squishy, chaotic, magical day at a time, they are becoming themselves because they are human.
The "On Time" Myth.
Milestones are often viewed as keys to effective parenting. Overdue by four months? Check. By six o'clock? A gold star. Before the first birthday, the first word? You are doing fantastically.
What occurs, though, if your child deviates from the plan?
Absolutely nothing bad, I will tell you. Nothing is wrong. Nothing that diminishes your child's love, intelligence, or ability.
At nine months, some babies can walk. Others hold off until they are eighteen. Some people talk in complete sentences at two. Others do not say anything until they are three years old, at which point they start talking nonstop.
We refer to late bloomers as "concerning" and early developers as "gifted," although both are frequently delightfully normal.
What is the catch? It is not always the case that early developers "remain ahead." They simply got going early. Children eventually level out.
An Improved Method to See Them Develop
What if we concentrated on what was happening in front of us rather than striving for the next milestone?
When your baby laughs, they crinkle their nose.
How strange and amazing it is that they use a sock as a spoon.
When you hum their favorite music, they make a quiet "mmm."
It took all day—and all their strength—to make the slow, determined grab for a toy.
These times? They are as important as any checklist, if not more so.
How to Respond to Concern
Listen, this is not an invitation to disregard your intuition. Trust your gut and get help if something seems strange or if your pediatrician raises any concerns. No one knows your child better than you, and early intervention can have a significant impact.
However, understand the distinction between comparison and concern. One is an advocacy tool. The other is a joy-thief.
Let Your Infant Just Be a Baby.
Your baby will walk one day. Or converse. Or rest all night.
They will complete it in their own peculiar manner and at their own pace.
And the fact that it did not happen "on schedule" will not matter when they do.
Because the moments, not the milestones, are what truly make parenthood magical.
Therefore, if the chart is making you anxious, throw it out. If the baby app is making you doubt yourself, uninstall it. Have faith in your youngster. Have faith in yourself. Honor both the large and small things. Because each infant is a universe in development, and no Did the universe ever have a timer?
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